by mohammadalamin584@gmail.com | Aug 3, 2024 | Mindset, Resources
Psychologist Thomas Curran explained perfectionism is not the quest of perfecting a task.
It is an act of covering up the โperceived imperfectionโ in ourselves.
I have never regarded myself as a perfectionist.
It came as a surprise when perfectionism emerged as my chief saboteur when I took a self-assessment test developed by Positive Intelligence (PQ, link in comments) recently.
As I reflect on my results, I can see truth in it.
My fixation on getting things ๐ง๐๐๐๐ฉ.
My tendency to self-judge when I fail to meet ๐ข๐ฎ ๐๐ญ๐ฅ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃ๐จ.
My habit of pushing myself even harder for ๐ก๐๐ฉ๐ฉ๐๐ฃ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ๐จ๐๐ก๐ ๐๐ค๐ฌ๐ฃ.
This haunting feeling of โ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ค๐ช๐๐โ has continued to weigh down on my shoulders subconsciously.
I should know.
The perfectionist in me took up to 5 hours to draft 1 LinkedIn post when I started posting this February.
I wasted considerable time over-thinking and over-tinkering.
I undermined my self-confidence, mistaken fulfilment lies in perfection.
๐๐ฒ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ณ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป๐ถ๐๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ณ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐ฑ.
The first step to harness perfectionism is to acknowledge its existence in us.
The desire to be better has given me the strength to strive.
It has empowered me to overcome the ‘impossible’ in my life.
It fuels my motivation towards lifelong learning and personal growth.
Recognizing my perfectionist traits has allowed me to be self-compassionate.
Instead of being frustrated with myself, I learned to understand the origins of my habits. This has given me the confidence to be less than perfect.
We can achieve more and find joy when we choose to put down our baggage. ๐
We can find peace when we recognize no one is judging us other than ourselves.ย ๐
โฉ PS: Would you put down your baggage?
by mohammadalamin584@gmail.com | Aug 3, 2024 | Mindset, Resources
Most of us recognize the transformative power of having a growth mindset.
Does having a growth mindset stop us from going down the slippery slope of a fixed mindset again?๐ฌ
Last Thursday, I had an interesting conversation with an ex-classmate over dinner.
When I updated Wendy about my current work as a growth mindset coach, she went, โ๐ข๐ฉ! ๐๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฆ๐ต ๐ณ๐ช๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ง ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ธ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฌ ๐ฎ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฅ๐ด๐ฆ๐ตโ.
โ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏ’๐ต ๐ธ๐ข๐ฏ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ต๐ณ๐ข๐ฑ๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ช๐ฏ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ญ๐ง-๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ฃ๐ต๐ด ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ค๐ณ๐ข๐ด๐ต๐ช๐ฏ๐ข๐ต๐ฆ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ง๐ข๐ค๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ค๐ฉ๐ข๐ญ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐จ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ข๐จ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ.โ ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ญ๐ข๐ช๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ฅ.
Everyone experiences doubts and anxiety.
But we can learn to manage them better.
Here’s what I learned.
5 lessons you may consider to shift towards a growth mindset.
โจ ๐ ๐ถ๐ป๐ฑ๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ณ๐๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ปโ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ป ๐ถ๐ป ๐ญ ๐พ๐๐ฎ๐ป๐๐๐บ ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฝ.
Make progressive changes.
Every small change = many small wins!
This rewards your brain to work harder to adopt new habits over time (neuroplasticity).
โจ ๐๐ณ ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ป’๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐ฒ๐๐ฒ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ, ๐ป๐ผ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ.
Your mindset influences your life.
Start by tracking 3 tasks that you accomplished each day and see your confidence grows.
โจ๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐ป ๐น๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ป:
As my mum taught me, ๐ฆ๐ง๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ๐ต ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ฏ = ฬถโIฬถ ฬถdฬถoฬถnฬถโtฬถ ฬถkฬถnฬถoฬถwฬถโ.ฬถ
Your aptitude for learning is your ONLY KEY to becoming your best self.
โจ ๐ ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐บ๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐ป๐:
Everyone makes mistakes!
There is no failure from trying new things and learning. Ask ‘๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐ช๐ด ๐๐๐ 1 ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ด๐ด๐ฐ๐ฏ ๐ ๐ค๐ข๐ฏ ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ข๐ณ๐ฏ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ช๐ด๐ต๐ข๐ฌ๐ฆ?’ They are meant to show you the way forward.
โจ๐ง๐ฟ๐๐๐ ๐๐ค๐ช!
YOU must first learn to trust ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ, before others can trust ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ. 100%.
Recognize times when ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ showed up and take responsibility.
Be THE source to inspire others’ trust in you.
Our mindset exists on a spectrum instead of a binary trait. ๐
In her book โMindsetโ, Dr Carol Dweck PhD explained that we will experience both fixed and growth mindset tendencies in different situations. ๐๏ธโ๐จ๏ธ
This is how your brain is hardwired to keep you safe from unfamiliar situations or perceived risks.
Through self-awareness and consistent effort, you can shift from a fixed mindset towards a more predominant growth mindset over time.
While you can’t change your mindset completely, you can make the shift. ๐
โฉPS: How did you shift your mindset? Share your success!
by mohammadalamin584@gmail.com | Aug 3, 2024 | Mindset, Resources
Last November was the mid-term of my 6 months Professional Coaching Certification program.
It was a special milestone that I looked forward to. A timely opportunity to measure my development and competency as a coach.
The 2-day mid-term workshop was packed with practice drills.ย I started the workshop feeling confident.
As the drills progressed, my confidence started to dip. I was called out for gaps in my listening and questioning techniques.
The foundational skills of a coach.
By the end of 2 days, it became clear I was not as competent as I had ๐๐ญ๐ฅ๐๐๐ฉ๐๐ of myself. I began to see I was not as good as I ๐จ๐๐ค๐ช๐ก๐.
To realise I was ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐๐ค๐ค๐ ๐๐ฃ๐ค๐ช๐๐ struck me hard. Very hard.
A voice in my head questioned โ๐๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ญ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ญ, ๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐บ ๐ต๐ฐ ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ญ๐ฑ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ ๐ค๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ด? I had let myself down.
My mind space was completely clouded in doubts the following week.
I couldnโt coach. Neither did I want to.
That Friday, I presented my issue as a โ๐ค๐ญ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ตโ during a team practice session.
A peer coach asked โ๐๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ด๐ฆ๐ต๐ด ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ด๐ฆ (๐ฎ๐บ) ๐ฆ๐น๐ฑ๐ฆ๐ค๐ต๐ข๐ต๐ช๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ด?โ
It came across as a redundant question.
โ๐ ๐ฅ๐ช๐ฅโ, I answered as a matter of fact.
Somehow, her question stayed in my mind that night.
Now, โ๐๐๐โ sets those expectations, I pondered.
I finally understood ๐ฉ๐๐ ๐ฆ๐ช๐๐จ๐ฉ๐๐ค๐ฃย by the next morning.
In that instance, everything made sense!
It became clear my parentsโ expectations of me as a child had stayed with me. It has shaped my self-expectations to this day.
This new clarity showed me where my self-judgement came from.
It gave me control to change my narrative.
That I donโt have to prove my worth to anyone.
Not least, to ๐ฉ๐๐๐ฉ ๐ซ๐ค๐๐๐ย in my head.
This realisation changed my perspective about my self-doubts. I became less afraid and learned to appreciate that they exist for a reason. ๐
In my case, it was protecting me from the stress I experienced as a child from not meeting othersโ expectations.
I shifted from being deflated to gaining control of my negative self-narratives. ๐
Fast forward 4 months.
It was pleasing when a master coach commented last week that I had improved by leaps since the mid-term workshop.
๐๐ฒ๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐๐ฎ๐๐
Self-doubting is normal. Everyone experienced it at some point.
It doesnโt mean you are weak.
Recognise this voice is ๐ก๐ข๐ง you.ย โ
When ๐ฌ๐ข๐จ detach from it, you gain the power of control.
Our narratives give colour to our lives. ๐
When you understand yourself better, you start to give your best self to the people around you. ๐
PS: What ๐ข๐๐๐ฃ๐๐ฃ๐ can you attach to your doubts? โฌ
by mohammadalamin584@gmail.com | Aug 3, 2024 | Events, Mindset
Your dreams are worth the effort, even when no one is cheering.
Here’s why.
This week, I had coaching sessions with 3 different clients. Each is a young executive in their 30s with big dreams. To build their business as a solopreneur or to become the leader they aspire to be.
One recurring theme emerged.
” ๐ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐ฌ ๐ ๐ข๐ฎ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ณ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฐ๐ฅ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ถ๐จ๐ฉ. ๐๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ด๐ฐ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ฐ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ด ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฐ ๐ข๐ณ๐ฆ ๐ฃ๐ฆ๐ต๐ต๐ฆ๐ณ”
“๐ ๐ต๐ณ๐ช๐ฆ๐ฅ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐บ ๐ต๐ช๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ด ๐ธ๐ช๐ต๐ฉ ๐ฏ๐ฐ ๐ณ๐ฆ๐ด๐ถ๐ญ๐ต๐ด. ๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ช๐ด ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ข๐ฅ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฏ๐ฐ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ.”
As we brace ourselves for “๐๐ธ๐ช๐ง๐ต๐ช๐ฆ๐ด๐ฎ๐ข๐ฏ๐ช๐ข” sweeping across Singapore starting this weekend, I was reminded that every success began with a humble beginning that no one seemed to care about. Even if you are Taylor Swift.
For anyone who is pursuing your dreams in building, creating, improving or learning something newโฆ
This is for you. ๐๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฝ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐น๐ถ๐ฒ๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด! ๐
๐ก
“๐๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ฑ ๐ธ๐ฐ๐ณ๐ฌ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฏ๐ฐ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ช๐ด ๐ธ๐ข๐ต๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ฏ๐จ, ๐ข๐ฏ๐ฅ ๐ฐ๐ฏ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ธ๐ช๐ญ๐ญ ๐ฎ๐ข๐ณ๐ท๐ฆ๐ญ ๐ข๐ต ๐ธ๐ฉ๐ข๐ต ๐บ๐ฐ๐ถ ๐ฉ๐ข๐ท๐ฆ ๐ข๐ค๐ฉ๐ช๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฅ.” – Unknown
๐ฃ๐ฆ: ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐? ๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐ฑ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐บ๐?
Tell us in comment. โฌ
by mohammadalamin584@gmail.com | Aug 3, 2024 | Mindset, Programs
Research suggests the average adult spends 4 hours a day in self-talk.
Thatโs 25% of our waking hours each day!
Sounds familiar?
๐ข Yes, this is the little voice in our heads that yells for our attention all day.
The same voice with an opinion on our experiences, decisions, and events in our lives.
These โ๐๐๐๐ฉ ๐๐๐จโ, โ๐ ๐๐๐ฃโ๐ฉโ, โ๐โ๐ข ๐ฃ๐ค๐ฉ ๐ง๐๐๐๐ฎโ ๐ค๐ง โ๐ ๐จ๐๐ค๐ช๐ก๐ โ statements we repeatedly tell ourselves can shape our beliefs and affect our confidence.
Over time, we feel overwhelmed by these repeated playbacks of the worst outcomes, our fears and past mistakes.
This can lead to self-sabotaging habits such as chasing perfection, self-judgement, procrastination and the fear of starting something new.
๐ฆ๐ผ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐ฑ๐ผ๐ฒ๐ ๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐น๐ถ๐๐๐น๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐ถ๐ฐ๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ผ๐บ๐ฒ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ด๐ฎ๐๐ถ๐๐ฒ?ย ๐ถ
The first step is to recognize our thought patterns.
If you are โฆ
โย in constant negative thoughts about past mistakes
โย having overwhelmingly negative self-talk
โย frequently distracted by your thoughts
โย stuck in a loop of overthinking
โย avoiding new tasks
But our self-talk isnโt necessarily always negative.
We can turn this inner voice into a source of motivation to remind us of our strengths and encourage us to push through obstacles or uncertainties.
โ Hereโs how I can help when you are ready:
Creating personalized reframing strategies that:
transform your self-talk from a voice that drains you
โย to a force that empowers you with confidence.
===
Our self-talk is the most important narrative in our lives.
When we control our narratives, we can control our lives.
And yes, you can.ย ๐
